iPhone Video Comercials

Welcome to the future! Video calls are now possible. And even better, they are possible from a device that you can hold in your hand...either one of them. Apple is making very touching commercials for their new iPhone video calling. Showing a new father introducing his father to his first grandchild. First off, why wasn't this new Grandfather in town to be with his son as he entered fatherhood? Hey Apple, how about this for a slogan: the New iPhone, for grandfathers-to-be that kind of care.

One thing that these commercials fail to mention is that much more often than being able to give good news to someone far away face to face, the new video calling will just catch you in a lie. Isn't that what is so great about the cell phone? People don't know where you are or who is around you provided it or they are quiet.

How about this for an ad. A boyfriend is talking to his girlfriend who is out of town for the weekend. As they are talking about how in love they are and making cute faces at one another a girl walks by in the background.

Girl: Sweetypuff! Who was that?

Guy: (looking alarmed) What?

Girl: Who was that in the background?

Guy: There is no one here, what are you talking about?

Girl: I saw someone move back there.

Guy: Must be the dog.

Girl: That was no dog.

Guy: Honey, on here a dog could easily look like a person, the screen is so small.

Girl: That was a person...a woman. And we don't even have a dog!

Guy: Oh her? OH...she is the plumber.

Girl: That was no plumber.

Guy: What? Women can't be plumbers? Get out of the stone age Taryn! Its 2010!

Girl: Oh yeah? Then why is the plumber wearing your shirt and ONLY your shirt?

Guy: Oh...hey...going through a tunnel...might lose....

Where is that commercial, Apple?

Gender Blind

I try to be a very progressive citizen. I try to go the extra step with my progress. For example, to avoid racism, many progressives are "colorblind" to avoid seeing race all together. Good thought, but what does it do for sexism? In addition to being colorblind, I also am "genderblind." I just see people. You could be a black man or a white woman or for all I know you are an asian hermaphrodite. I just don't know! Hell, for all I know I am gay. I have sex, but I'm so progressive I don't even know what I am having sex with. I just feel it would be insensitive to ask.

SHOW LOG

I have now been doing Comedy for about eight months. For the first four months, I was exclusively performing at open mics. It wasn't until December 30th that I did my first booked show: DeKonstruction with my friend Adam Cozens while he was visiting from New York. I have not kept track of all the open mics I have done. I know some comics who keep track of every time they get on stage. I am trying to keep track of the booked shows, It feels a bit late to try to back track and think of every open mic I have done. So here it is, my show log. April has been an especially good month for me.



12/30/09 Comedy Underground, Seattle/Dekonstruction

1/19/10 Comedy Underground, Seattle/Big Irish Jay's Superfriends
1/20/10 Bamboo Bar and Grill
1/21/10 Ethnic Cultural Theatre/ASSUW
1/24/10 Comedy Underground, Seattle/Week of Fun
1/29/10 Giggle's Comedy club/Drew Barth Headliner (2 Shows)

2/9/10 Comedy Underground, Seattle/Yogi's Pic-a-nik Basket
2/18/10 Ethnic Cultural Theatre/ASSUW
2/19/10 Upstage Theatre, Port Townsend/Competition

3/19/10 Giggle's Comedy Club/Laff Off (2 Shows)
3/20/10 Giggle's Comedy Club/Laff Off (2 Shows)

4/7/10 Oddfellows Grill, Redmond
4/8/10 Night Owl Hookah Bar, U-District
4/12/10 Wild Vine, Bothel/Competition
4/14/10 Coyotes, Hillsboro, OR
4/15/10 Oddfellows Grill, Redmond
4/18/10 Tost, Fremont/Big Bully Show #23
4/30/10 Gypsy Cafe, Fremont/Who Shot JR?

5/1/10 Comedy Underground, Tacoma
5/3/10 Pagliacci Pizza, Capitol Hill
5/12/10 Carmen's Comedy Club/Comedy Showdown Round One (4th)
5/13/10 Parlor Live, Bellevue/New Faces Show
5/16/10 Tost, Fremont/Big Bully Show #24
5/21/10 Cloverleaf, Bremerton
5/22/10 Cloverleaf, Bremerton
5/26/10 Carmen's Comedy Club/Comedy Showdown Finals (3rd)
5/28/10 Gypsy Cafe, Fremont/Who Shot JR?
5/30/10 Private Party, Fremont/Grotfest!

6/4/10 Cloverleaf, Bremerton
6/5/10 Redline Sports Bar, West Seattle
6/12/10 Cloverleaf, Bremerton
6/15/10 Lava Lounge, Oak Harbor
6/18/10 Upstage, Port Townsend
6/20/10 Tost, Fremont/Big Bully Show #25
6/26/10 G.A. Maxwell's, Marysville

7/1/10 Laughs Comedy Spot, Kirkland
7/9/10 Comedy Underground/Paul Myrehaug Headliner
7/12/10 Comedy Underground/Open Mic Host
7/15/10 Key City Theatre, Port Townsend
7/18/10 Tost, Fremont/Big Bully Show #26
7/20/10 Comedy Underground/Alzheimer's Benefit
7/22/10 Parlor Live, Bellevue/New Faces Show with Josh Wolf
7/23/10 Twisp River Pub, Twisp
7/27/10 Tiger Lounge, Georgetown
7/28/10 Comedy Underground/John McKay Farewell Show
7/30/10 Bagdad Theater, Portland, OR
7/30/10 Brody Theater, Portland, OR

8/5/10 DJ's Lounge, Montclair, CA
8/6/10 Promenade Theater, Santa Monica, CA
8/8/10 The Comedy Store, Hollywood, CA
8/12/10 Comedy Underground/Brooks McBeth Headliner
8/13/10 Comedy Underground/Brooks McBeth Headliner (2 Shows)

Some of My Thoughts on Seattle

This is from the 8pm show on Saturday, March 20. It was a very fun crowd. I had a great time at the Laff Off, finished 4th place for the weekend and got to share a stage with some great friends and fantastic performers.

Jimmy Kimmel Slamms Leno on Leno's Show

I was a Jimmy Kimmel fan from his days on The Man Show and occasionally enjoyed him on ABC and his interview in Costco Connections Magazine, but for a while now I haven't really given him much credit. Then when I saw him give Jay a piece of his (and many others') mind(s'?) on Jay's 10 @ 10, I really realized that I have much more respect for him as a comedian. This video is very funny, AND Jimmy reveals that when he was living in Seattle he was scared of Mt Rainier. Watch and enjoy!

PS- Did you know that if you switch the L's and the M's in Kimmel it spells "Killem"? I do now that I almost posted it that way.

Excited to Return to UW with Better Material!!

I am very excited about this week! I have three shows in three consecutive days. Tuesday I will be in Big Irish Jay's Superfriends Show at the Comedy Underground, Wednesday I have a guest spot at the Bamboo Bar and Grill, and Thursday I play a late night show at UW: the ASSUW lol show. I have heard lots of good things about the ASSUW show.

I think I am most excited about the ASSUW show, I have always wanted to play a show at UW. OK, maybe not always, but at least since I started school at UW. Now that I have graduated it feels right that I return there. It will be my first theatre show since restarting stand up. But I actually have done an open mic at the Ethnic Cultural Theatre.

It was right before my freshman year. I was in an early-start program, a MANDATORY considering my high school GPA early-start program with 80 other students. We all had to live on campus and all had to take the same classes. After completing the program we not only got six UW credits for free, but actually got to stay at UW. It was almost like an academic survivor...except the food was better...and the sleeping conditions....and almost everyone made it through the whole way.

About three weeks into the four week program they held an Open Mic. I was 18 and had been to the Comedy Underground a few times. I had a few bits, and one of them I actually liked. It always seemed to kill at the Underground, but the follow up jokes would always lag. I decided since it had been a while and I had nothing new that I would just do the one joke that I felt very confident in.

I was interested in getting stage time and figured this Open Mic would be a great opportunity and signed up. Of course, when ever I hear or read the term "open mic" I think of comedy. This is not always true. I learned this when it was my turn to go on stage and every one up until that point had done poetry. I was a bit nervous to get on stage with comedy. I wasn't sure how the crowd that had been listening to poetry for 45 minutes would react to stand up, but I figured there was only one way to find out.

Here is a rough version of the joke:

When I was growing up, my parents read me a picture book to teach me where babies came from. It was all about mommies and daddies and love and...Bull Shit! When my son asks me where babies come from I am going to be completely honest with him. I will tell him: "Um, well son. When teenagers get bored, they like to do things that make them feel good. So they will be drinking their magical brew and smoking their magical herb and then they will have...um their magical sex. And then, THEN (starting to get increasingly angry) later your mom calls me up and says she's peed on a magical stick and it told her that my life IS RUINED AND I'LL BE STUCK PAYING FOR YOU FOR 18-years.......(now suddenly calm) at least that's where you came from. I'm sure some of your friends were planned, but you weren't"

It killed. I left quickly on the high note. I left them wanting more, without them knowing that I didn't have any more. After this, I was known the students of Summer Bridge 2005 as the "funny white guy". (Did I mention the program was run by the Office of Minority Affairs?)

That was the last time I did that joke. I wrote it originally for a commentary piece on a radio show I was on in high school. It was well recieved there and even made it onto a pledge drive sample. For some reason I just didn't feel like doing it anymore. I thought maybe it could come off as mean-spirited, though it never seemed to be recieved that way and I didn't intend it to be so. I didn't do stand-up again until three-and-a-half years later and by then I had new material I wanted to try.

I have fond memories from the Ethnic Cultural Theatre and I am looking forward to performing there again. I am looking forward to take a UW stage with ten minutes of material that I feel really good about and enjoy performing. I am also very excited about the energy of a student crowd. If you are in the U District on Thursday around 10pm, it is a free show.

See me in Big Irish Jay's Show on Tuesday

This Tuesday I will be part of a show at the Comedy Underground in Seattle. It is a $5 Show...and that includes taxes, making it cheaper than a footlong sub at Subway! With 12 comics in this show, it is an unbelievable deal. Think of it this way: you will see my set for the same price as one inch of sandwich.

I hope to see you there.

To buy tickets in advance click here.